“You Need Help”

Word to my fellow crazy,
Family, friends, randoms, and other fuckers will all tell you, “you need help.”
Will they help you? Nah. Family and friends only know the sick you, even if they were able to provide the bulk of the help you need, it is going to be really hard for them to accept your change. In the end most likely you won’t be able to maintain your change and the cycle repeats. On to the next, psychiatrist, get ready to feel like a lab rat and pay for it. Therapist ummmm some, good some bad, find one you like, literally it’s luck. It’s a shot in the dark. Beware of idiots. Treatment centers….. Residential aka Rehab is better than the Outpatient bullshit and when I say BULLSHIT not kidding. Group therapy blows, sometimes you watch movies, sometimes you have arts and crafts like you’re five, and sometimes they have their heads so far up their assholes they don’t know what’s going on. Best part about treatment centers they take your insurance then want to take your literal soul to pay the rest. THOUSAND$$$$$$$$$$$$$. Oh Oh and let’s not forget the halfway houses that go with it. Charging you so much for rent you can never get on your feet. Always stuck. You will meet people who relapse. You will meet people who die. No one likes halfway. They say some people need it. I don’t see how.

They talk, all talk about your disease, your mental illness, funny thing is they don’t get it. All these places have too many people involved who don’t suffer from this shit. They’ve had friends or family or blah blah blah. Well fuck off. If it’s not in your head or in your brain don’t try and tell me how to act or feel or behave. People who don’t suffer like you, just hurt you more when they try to help you. Give me your empathy and support. The rest is between me and God.

Yes, I get the need for medical and other health care professionals is imperative, but why is there so much manipulative business going on around mental health diseases that take people’s lives? People look at me and may think the things I say or do are sick sometimes, but I can’t help that I’m sick. These fuckers chose to be sick and take from those who just want help. I just wanted help. I went through it all. They said it would help. I did everything I could to get help. After all this, on my birthday I tried to kill myself for a fourth time.


3 thoughts on ““You Need Help”

  1. Ellie,

    I wanted you to know that after reading your expression of suffering here, I’m praying for you. I don’t have any answers, but don’t give up on God. (As you said above, much of this is only between the two of you, since so few others can begin to understand.)

    I don’t know where you live, but I can tell you with certainty that there are Christians nearby who can offer their empathy and encouragement… perhaps even hope.

    Don’t end your life early. You are precious to our Lord and to his children who resemble him in their own compassion and actions.

    Praying for you,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been lucky a time or two to get a therapist who resonates with me. But I’ve come to learn these people are tools salesmen. Sometimes I need a screwdriver, sometimes a hammer. I can’t always trust they aren’t ripping me off, but I have good instincts. I’ve learned to shop, to try different tools, and rebuild or add on to my life. You have a great tool at your fingertips… You can write. Learn your voice. Use it. It’s your most authentic self. It’s not going to be easy, life. But trust me, it is worth exploring and living. Write your way through it.

    Liked by 2 people

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